


Love is a Polaroid

by ThorneofAcre



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, Confused Alec, Contentment, Drabble, Episode: s01e12 Malec, First Kiss, M/M, Malec kiss of awesome was awesome, Mention of immortality, POV Alec, Peek into Magnus' thoughts, Reflecting on life, but it isn't a fix-all, malec kiss, musings, realistic confusion, soft stuff, study of feels, what it means to be immortal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-08-27 20:14:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8415142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThorneofAcre/pseuds/ThorneofAcre
Summary: You know when you are climbing a mountain and you see the peak so so near and you are struggling the last few steps but you know if you push through the pain in your legs for just a few more minutes you'll be there. And then you make it, but it's not really the peak at all, it's just a plateau or something and the mountain stretches on and on above it and you realize you're not even halfway there? 
That's how Alec felt.





	1. Chapter 1

This was big. So so big, and Alec had no idea what he had gotten himself into.

Did he regret doing it? Kissing Magnus in front of the entire clave at his own wedding? No, not for a second. The wedding had been an easy escape for Alec. It was a lie that Alec had been hiding his real feelings behind. But Magnus was right, he would have been lonely all his life. And neither Lydia nor Magnus deserved that.

He had thought he was saving his family’s honour and reputation by going through with it. But like Magnus had said, there was no honour in living a lie.

He knew he did not want to marry Lydia and he knew that he wanted to allow himself to feel whatever he felt for Magnus and explore their relationship further. But he wasn’t prepared for his father’s questions.

_“How long has this been going on? Are you two in love?”_

Hell, he had no idea how long whatever this was had been going on, to him it felt like it had just started. He felt like he had just become a complete person, putting together all the different sides he showed to different people into one whole and settling comfortably as Alexander Lightwood. And was he in love? As far as Alec knew, love was what was safe: either an unattainable love for Jace that he had harboured for all those years, or the expected role that he could easily see himself in as Lydia’s husband.

What he felt for Magnus was anything but _safe_. It was thrilling and exciting and left him struggling to breathe and wanting to touch. It was terrifying. Alec had never felt anything like it before.

And then there was what Magnus felt.

Magnus. Beautiful terrifying Magnus. Magnus flirted as easily as he breathed, but Alec had no reservations about how deep Magnus’ feelings for him went. He was well aware the kind of pain he had already put the warlock through by taking his advice of following his heart and throwing it in his face by proposing to Lydia. Alec wished he could take it back, but Magnus had apparently forgiven him everything.

He had once accused the warlock of not actually risking anything, of treating everything as a game. And yet, when Magnus had walked into Alec’s wedding, willingly surrounding himself by people who would sooner kill him dead than offer him a cup of tea, he had risked his life, his reputation, his _heart_ for Alec.

And Alec had no idea how to feel about any of it.

He was exhilarated and revelling in the freedom of finally, _finally_ admitting the truth of his feelings to both himself and the Clave. He was sorry for the ordeal he had put both Lydia and Magnus through. But mostly he was so _so_ confused. He didn’t know what he felt for Magnus, all he knew was that he wanted to find out more about the warlock, get to know him, understand what made him who he was, peel away the layers and get to know the person beneath all the glamour.

But he also hated the fact that he could still not reciprocate the same depth of feeling that Magnus seemed to have for him. He was well versed with how much unrequited love hurt and the last thing he wanted to do was put Magnus through any more pain. And yet, the fact that Magnus had to ask if he regretted it, if _Alec_ regretted _him,_ with a world of pain carefully concealed behind those lovely eyes; Alec had hated himself for not being able to quell all doubts about how he felt for Magnus then and there. But he was done lying to himself and others about his feelings.

“It’s just, everything happened so fast,” he had said instead. And although that was true, at the same time it _wasn’t_. The decision to kiss Magnus then and there, yes that had been a spur of the moment thing for the man who had declared resolutely that he will not ask again had come asking just one last time at Alec’s door and how could Alec keep lying at that?

But what he felt hadn’t happened overnight.

And Magnus had understood. Of course he had. He had taken a step back, suggested going on a date and respected his desire to slow down.

Yet, one thing Alec was painfully aware of was that time was not a luxury that they had. He was a Shadowhunter, they were not known for the longevity of their lifespans. Every second with Magnus felt like an exhilarating drop of the rollercoaster, always over too soon. The last thing Alec wanted to do was realize his feelings for Magnus too late and then die, leaving the warlock alone with the pain of all the time wasted.

Alec wanted to leave Magnus with as many memories he could to help ease his pain.

It seemed like no matter what Alec did, he would end up hurting Magnus. And surprisingly, Magnus was alright with that.

Alec had thought Magnus to be a coward who hid behind his magic once. Now, now he thought he had never met someone as brave and strong as Magnus Bane.


	2. The Path to Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little things seemed bigger, more important somehow.

Little things seemed bigger, more important somehow.

All those centuries and he would have thought that he would start to lose interest in the fleeting moments of beauty that life sometimes revelled in: the particular hue of violets in the sky at sunrise, the whiff of freshly brewed Italian Roast from one of the cafes that dotted the street, the indent of a flashed dimple, the bashful fluttering of eyelashes, the faint pink that tinged Alec’s cheeks and the unabashed grin that broke out in the rare instances when he was truly in the moment with Magnus.

He almost had. But ever since Alec had come along, the little things had started to seem like everything.

Magnus was not one to dwell on the past or future very often. Time was something that happened to other people. Usually. But it was on quiet mornings like these with Alec settled comfortably at his side, resolutely pretending to be sleeping that Magnus couldn’t help but marvel at how he had managed to get through life without this, this feeling of absolute contentment that settled in his bones while at the same time making his heart pound.

He didn’t have anything else to compare it to so he couldn’t be sure, but if he had been asked to describe it, he would have said that it felt like coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Imagine Dragon's It's Time.   
> 'The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell.'

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, there wasn't much story here guys sorry. But I was rewatching a few episodes, mostly because I wanted to understand the Malec of the show after reading way too many fanfics on them, and I had to write this after.   
> Simon got it with his the Graduate comparison, Magnus showing up at the wedding in one last attempt at convincing Alec to change his mind and Alec finally accepting his attraction towards Magnus and acting on it is not the romantic fix-all ending that it is seen as. It is beautiful and epic yes, but it is the start of their relationship, not the grand finale of it.   
> I just.. I want more awkward Alec not knowing how to be in love and not properly being able to express himself and learning to get comfortable with Magnus and all that real shit that happens in real life.   
> So yeah. I wrote this. After about a year and a half of not writing a single word. What do you guys think? 
> 
> (Title is from Imagine Dragons' Polaroid)


End file.
